It's Not You. It's Me.

Many of my blogs are from the perspective of crappy things others do to you in business. Being aware that such behavior exists is vital to survival and peace of mind. This post flips it around. You do crappy things to others. Maybe intentionally, maybe not. Regardless, realize that you are the one who is being the jerk.

The motivations why you try to hurt others are numerous: revenge, jealousy, ignorance, laziness, cluelessness, etc. These are reasons, not excuses, but you cannot hide behind them. Within each of these is your responsibility to control your actions. You are fully capable of controlling yourself.

We all have people who just rub us the wrong way or who have done us wrong against whom we seek retribution. But when you spend your time doing this, you are just adding more chaos and negativity into your life. Your thoughts become those of an aggressor rather than in a mindset of receiving positive outcomes. You are also reinforcing that you are a victim. And, in case you don't realize it, the other person is not thinking about you and over time, you will never feel better for hurting others. So hurting them back is not the answer.

How do you change how you are thinking? Think about when you were not acting as your best self. Times when "little white lies" or intentional shunning or misrepresentations were part of your interactions. How did you feel? Not so great. You were likely stressed, angry, and out of sorts. Now think about how you feel when you do something good for someone. At peace, happy, and serene are all possible. So is it as easy as rephrasing "He stole my client so I am going to ruin his reputation?" Yes. "He relieved me of a client who was no longer aligned with my business goals." Do you still want to hurt this person? "He cleared out a problematic client who was too needy and now I have time to attract a more lucrative client." Sounds like you could say thank you to this.

Everyone is wounded. We are a flawed society with trauma on many levels. You treat people poorly when you project your hurt on others or when you do not deal with them honestly and with compassion. You treat people poorly when you buy into the rumors and judge them before forming your own opinion. It is easy to fall into this trap. But how would you feel if this happened to you? Do you berate people, undermine them, or have little patience or forgiveness? Do you try to help rather than criticize or make the situation worse? Are you so self-absorbed that you are unable to see situations from another person's perspective? Do you shave a little off of the information provided so that they cannot succeed? If you do any of these, you are being crappy .

Be clear of what is driving you. There is a feeling of inadequacy within you that needs to be healed. What is it? Most dysfunction stems from a feeling of absence of love, security, or self-esteem. What are you missing? What is it that triggers you? Sit with this and you will release the inadequacy and build the strength to rise above the need to hurt others. Take care of yourself and become strong. This will be a superpower that will serve you so much better than petty retribution.

If you want to lash out, stop, and schedule a call with me. I won't hurt you or judge you. Get the help in identifying what is holding you back by not treating others well. Schedule the call at https://calendly.com/libby-coaching or at [email protected].